lazy day.

had really weird dreams. this one had a pool boy named Carlo who was trying to help me learn how to exit the pool solely by pushing my feet down and jumping out. no hands. it was taxing. dreams have been really vivid for the last few weeks. thinking of writing some down.

thought about showering. didn't.

ben called. he was in the neighborhood. lunched at MM.

went to the apple store and set off the store alarm on accident. i wanted to see how the ports flipped up and down, so i unplugged the usb security device. oops. i have no remorse though. i really wanted to see the ports flip.

read a book in its entirety at barnes and noble this afternoon. i really liked it. grief is passive. mourning is active, i learned. she talked about how, months and months after her husband's death, she couldn't bring herself to do certain things (throw his shoes away) because she had the underlying hope that he would come back. 'he won't have any shoes for when he comes back'. wondering how much i do this in my life. mourning can only begin when you realize that they're not coming back.

made a friend at the bus stop. showed him the secret way to get to the 43 bus stop. he was nice.

went to a bbq. the food was good. i got bummed out that there are so many angry, lonely women with whom i've made acquaintance. they piss and moan about how nobody asks them out, then write the most catty, shrewish statements once anonymity is provided. no wonder.

watched lost. i've let my confusion resolve into admiration. i will watch it. they will reward me. they always do eventually. i can wait.